about loud silences

i think most of what worries me comes from silence. from delicate reactions to brutal things. from smiles that never reach the eyes.

you can feel it right there, like a shadow or a cloud. like something you only pay attention to when you stand still for long. 

cause when you stop, then all the details matter. all the things that can’t catch up to you when you’re moving. life matters, death matters, love matters, sorrow matters, guilt matters… the silence matters.

so much matters that i, for once, can’t understand the delicate reactions to brutal things. but i hold the smile that don’t meet the eyes and i offer a hand, that won’t reach the heart… cause i can hear the loudness of your silence. and that i get.